Sophia turned 10 this week. We had fun anticipating and celebrating and reminiscing. We looked through her baby book and it brought back so many wonderful memories of her birth and first year.
Re-living Sophia's first year, made me realize how cheated I feel about Eli's first year.
When I was caring for my newborn Sophia, I tried to savor each moment. I wanted to remember. I can remember what was on TV and the song I was singing to newborn Sophia when I consciously thought "I'll get to do this again with my second child." Now, it seems so ironic to me that I did not get to do it again. In fact, my "same song second verse" was nothing like the first. It was nothing like I had planned and imagined and dreamed.
The week before Eli was born I saw the movie Click. So maybe it's not too surprising that when Eli was born I longed for the magical remote that could fast forward our lives three years. It wasn't like with Sophia where I wanted to savor every moment. I wanted to skip forward...not too far, just three years. I thought when we got Eli to 3 years old we would be past the surgeries and the pain and the unknown. But, consciously, I was glad I didn't have a fast forward button because I was fearful I would get to three years later and Eli wouldn't be there. I knew I had to live the next three years and live them to the fullest and make certain that every thing was done to keep Eli alive and help him thrive. I'm so glad I did!
Tonight, Eli and Sophia are gone with Daddy buying a snow cone on a hot summer night. I know Eli is enjoying licking the ice and pretending to swallow it just like his big sister. One day, he will swallow it. :) Eli is 5 years old now and I still live on edge dreading the next discovery that will throw us for a loop. Those discoveries, thank God, come much less often than they did that first year, but they still hurt us deeply.
Our faith remains strong and the grace and mercy poured on us remains potent. Thank you all for keeping up with Eli here on his blog. I am sorry we don't write more often, but sometimes living takes all the time.
God bless you.